The Creation and History of the Original Cheese Wax People

My inspiration for the Cheese Wax People initially came from my friend, Logan, who to this day willingly and eagerly accepts all blame for their creation.

In early high school, Logan would come to school each day with a mini babybel cheese packed in his lunch.  (See exhibit A.)

Exhibit A

One day, after grousing about an unpleasant English class for the better part of a 30 minute lunch period, it was clear that drastic measures needed to be taken.  So naturally as the dutiful friend I asked, "Can I have the wax from your cheese?"  He paused, and with a mouth full of cheese, stared at me blankly as he extended his hand with the wax towards me to me with comic bluntness.

I mushed the wax around in my hands for several minutes.  It was soft, slightly sticky and completely malleable.  The lump of wax slowly transformed into a ball, then an X, then something vaguely resembling a molar, then finally, a person.  (See Exhibit B.)

Exhibit B

And thus, the Cheese Wax Man came into existence!  

I handed the oddly shaped figure to Logan.  "Here, kill this.  It will make you feel better," I said.  Then, with a blissful grin and nothing more than a quick glance upward, he heaved his foot into the unsuspecting cheese wax man, sending him sailing right onto the roof of the school administration building, where he was immediately descended upon by a local flock of winged goats.  (Seagulls.)

And thus, it was written that the destiny of the Cheese Wax Man shall forever be to a single end: Death by Ridiculousness!

Over the next year or so, the ritual evolved from kicking each wax man over the roof, to me taking them home and capturing the final moment of a bizarre death in a sort of informal diorama (no shoe box.)  Every 3rd day or so, I would bring Logan a new cheese wax death.  To my surprise, not only did Logan find them amusing, so did everyone else who happened to see me gingerly transporting them through the hallways at school.

I wish I had taken pictures of them all, as there dozens of them at least...  But digital cameras were not as widely accessible then as they are now, and because they were all so small, film cameras were unable to capture the amount detail that went into them...  So it's better to leave them as legend, and a partial (per my memory) list:

Death by Hanging

Death by  Lego Truck

Death by Drowning in a Jar full of Water

Death by Burning at the Stake

Death by Mummification (implied to be still alive during the process.)

Death by Fly Swatter

Death by Broken Heart

Death by Guillotine

Death by Electrocution by Christmas Tree Lights

Death by Deep Frying as a Fast Food Meal

Death by Bowling Alley (wax men = bowling pins.)

Death by Bow and Arrow on Archery Target

Death by Tar Pit

Death by Green Slime Monster

Death by Giant Killer Goldfish Crackers

Death by Being Trapped in a Cage

You could say that Logan was a collector...  He certainly had all the originals.  I'd gotten to be quite proud of my quasi-morbid little creations, and so asked Logan to return them to me in the event that he ever didn't want them anymore.

I was impressed.  He kept them for years, until time had made them furry with dust and mites had eaten away at the perishable parts of the mixed-media displays.  (Goldfish crackers, and pieces of fish food.  Let's consider those ones the prototypes.)  

After the rest of high school and half of college had passed, Logan could no longer stand to see them suffer a slow, dusty demise.  My Cheese Wax People were returned to me for one final goodbye before they were laid to rest in the trash.  

That of course, was not the last of the cheese wax people.  Stay tuned for more pictures and stories to come within the next few days!